The Lovely Lydia's Blog for October 2021

No Q&A this month. I've been preoccupied with other things that have kept me away from this site, and I thought I'd give a brief update to anyone who stops by.

You may recall that the last time I posted, I told you about my holiday in my native Scotland. As I've come back home and settled into my daily life, I'm finding, perhaps for the first time ever, that I feel less restless and more contented with my lot in life. That's not to say there aren't still things I'd change about the world given the choice, but I have no control over any of that. What I do have control over is myself, which I think is ultimately the message every therapist I've ever visited has attempted to drive into my thick skull.

I recently took my yearly trip down to the family ranch in Arizona, of which I'm the sole owner now that my sister has passed. It was blazing hot during my visit, and the whole time I kept trying to do something with my hair to keep it off my shoulders. It was seriously beginning to irritate me, and as I was attempting to pin it up in a messy bun one day, I recall looking in the mirror and telling myself I was going to cut the whole bloody mess off my head. And just for a moment I froze, looking at a reflection that was starting to show some subtle aging, and I thought to myself, why exactly am I keeping this mess of hair around? 

The more I thought about it, the more I decided I was trying to hold on to a younger me who was no longer there. The same thought hit me again when I had to pull out my drugstore reading glasses to go over the annual ranch paperwork and authorise another year's lease for those who run the place.

So after I got home, I chopped off my long hair to shoulder-length and gave up the fight against contacts and readers in favour of prescription glasses. I went all in on being 43, essentially. 

I haven't had short hair since I was but a wee lass, so the change has been quite a shock to me. Whilst I still feel like the wild child of my twenties and thirties, at least now I suppose I'm presenting as something more appropriate to my age. The girly-girl lipstick lesbian of days gone by now looks something more like a lesbian librarian, perhaps. To me, this was a significant step, one that signifies giving up attachments to things that are no longer there and, yes, the need to control things so much. The outward change, then, I suppose, is somewhat symbolic of a corresponding inner change. 

In no way am I suggesting I'm giving up on life, or submitting to grannyhood! Indeed, I still have the same moves I always did, years of yoga have kept me nice and limber, and my sex drive has not diminished in the slightest. Lucky for me, Cathy continues to meet my needs in abundance, and hopefully I still do the same for her. My other girlfriend and I are doing just fine -- perhaps I'll tell you more about her one day. My ex-wife and I are still the best of friends and tend to get into mischief when we meet up. And Tim still delivers whenever I get the itch for some straight sex. There are also some other exciting things taking form with other people in my life, both new and old, but I'll talk about that another time. I do feel more mature now, but just as alive and vibrant as ever. 

I think the biggest change I'm feeling involves my impulse control. I've gotten into loads of bad situations in my life because of decisions where I didn't think out the potential long-term consequences. That's not to say I'm no longer up for fun and adventure -- just that I might take some time for reflection before jumping in with both feet. There's something to be said for useing the wisdom you've gained from your experiences to guide the remainder of your life -- and share the wisdom with others if they're curious to hear.

I think often these days of Gabriela, my erstwhile love from Uruguay, who even in her twenties possessed a refined calm and wisdom beyond her years. We chat regularly now, and it's been lovely to rekindle a friendship with someone who must have been at her wits' end with me for so many years, seeing how much growing up I had yet to do. For some of us, the maturation process evidently takes a wee bit longer. In times past, I would have sought her out only when my own life was in tatters, usually over some poor choice that I'd made, and I'd harbour fantasies that she could take me back and magically make everything okay. Now, we're just dear friends with a lovely history, and I'm pleased to say that I'm content with that.  

What the future of this blog will be, I'm uncertain at the moment. I've rejiggered the publishing of images to spread out over the course of 2021, and if I keep this place up and running in 2022, perhaps I'll be more judicious in my postings, focussing on the cream of the crop with a weekly or semiweekly photo upload. Or perhaps it will simply become a written blog. Time will tell. 

But this and my Pinterest page are where I come to blow off steam. They serve a useful purpose for me. I do bookkeeping for two online clients, I copyedit for another, and I still teach yoga and mediation classes, with the hope of returning one day to my studio to resume classes in person. And with my sister gone, now it's completely up to me to manage the affairs of the family ranch. In short, I have a lot of responsibilities on my plate, and I need outlets like this to goof about and share my ongoing passion for women in general and lesbian love in particular. Perhaps one day I'll feel like a pervy old woman sharing photos of generally much younger ladies, naked and writhing about in acts of passion. But as of now, that day hasn't come!

I also want to thank everyone who comes here and takes a look about. I make no apologies for the salacious content. One day, a copyright holder might come along and demand the removal of much of what's posted here. So I enjoy it all whilst I can, and I hope you do as well.